“Making Marriage Easier” (Yes—even if it’s already good!)

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I’ve been married to John for 35 years. By God’s grace, our marriage is strong. But when my friend Arlene Pellicane released her new book Making Marriage Easier: How to Love (and like) Your Spouse for Life, I was surprised by how much I gained. I didn’t read it because something was “wrong.” I read it because I know growth never stops. And even in a healthy marriage, Arlene’s wisdom gave me tools I could put into practice right away. Here are some of my favorite takeaways! 

Talk About the “Dragon” Before It Owns the House

Arlene uses an illustration from a children’s book where a boy insists there’s a dragon in the house. His mom keeps saying, “There’s no such thing as dragons.” The more she ignores it, the bigger the dragon grows—until it’s so huge the whole house ends up perched on its back. Only when she finally admits, “Okay, there IS a dragon,” does it shrink back down to a manageable size.

That’s exactly what happens with unspoken frustrations in marriage. Small annoyances or hurts seem harmless at first, so we tell ourselves, It’s fine. But the more we push them aside, the bigger they become. By the time we finally address the issue, it’s not a “little thing” anymore—it’s taken over the house.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. Something John does might bother me a little, but instead of talking about it early, I let it sit. Weeks later, when it’s grown into a dragon in my heart, I suddenly react in a way that feels out of proportion. The truth is that if I had simply admitted my frustration earlier, it would have remained small and manageable.

Don’t feed a dragon with your silence. We read,

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21) 

Speaking gently and honestly keeps little frustrations small and manageable.

Prioritize Your Marriage Over a “Perfect” Childhood Schedule

I’ve lived this.

We want to give our kids every opportunity, but sometimes the most loving “yes” for your children is a well-placed “no” for the family calendar. This allows there to be enough margin left to be kind to your spouse. A thriving marriage is your child’s greatest extracurricular.

Even Jesus set the example of balance. He told his followers, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31). If rest and margin were important to Him, they’re important for us too.

Build Habits that Make Love Easier

Arlene calls it “playing by the rules.” This means developing habits that benefit your marriage—not rigidly, but by creating rhythms that guard connection. 

In our home, we eat dinner together, go to church together, and usually go to bed at the same time. These aren’t flashy. They’re simply anchors. What about you? Don’t wait for big feelings to lead your marriage. Instead, design small rhythms to keep it strong.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 says: “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” 

Habits are what keep us walking side by side.

Let Discomfort Grow You

One of Arlene’s funniest stories involves climbing a fence at the Dallas Arboretum, which was completely outside her comfort zone. The bigger lesson? Sometimes God uses our spouse to stretch us. The takeaway?

Comfort is cozy. Calling is bonding.

I’ve seen this in bigger ways. Frist, John saying yes to leading a mission trip with me. Or moving from Montana to Arkansas when I felt perfectly content. Stepping into discomfort drew John and me closer. These things also taught us to trust God’s leading.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

Create Safety for Hard Honesty

Arlene shared a vulnerable story about her husband, carefully pointing out something awkward when they were dating. (You’ll have to read the book to find out what it is!) 

She chose to receive his words instead of reacting. This was a good response and it built trust. Marriage grows when we become the safest place and when our spouse can be completely honest. 

Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to “speak the truth in love.” Love makes honesty safe, and honesty makes love strong.

Be the safest place where your spouse can tell the truth.

A Gentle Word to Busy Hearts (Mine Included)

When I was a single mom, I prayed for a husband who would love God, love me, and love my son. God gave me John. We have a strong marriage, but strong doesn’t mean we just go with the flow and do whatever we please. Distance creeps in without anchors. What keeps us close are simple choices: naming the dragon, limiting the schedule, building rhythms, welcoming discomfort, and offering safe honesty.

I love this reminder:

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins,” (1 Peter 4:8)

If your marriage is in a sweet season, celebrate it. If you’re in a strained season, start small. Either way, Arlene’s Making Marriage Easier felt like a conversation with a wise friend—funny, practical, and full of hope!

Here’s to Loving—and Liking—Our Spouses for Life

Marriage is a lifelong journey, and it doesn’t have to feel heavy or complicated. With God’s help, and with practical wisdom like Arlene shares, we can make small shifts that lead to lasting joy.

If today’s reflections stirred something in you, I’d love for you to listen in on my full conversation with Arlene on my podcast. We laughed, shared stories, and unpacked even more practical tools that will help you love—and like—your spouse for life.

And if you’re ready to take the next step, grab a copy of Arlene’s book, Making Marriage Easier. I promise—it’s a book worth underlining, smiling through, and most of all, applying.

A great marriage isn’t built in grand moments—it’s strengthened in small, everyday choices.

Additional Resources

Daily Bible Podcast

We’re Tricia and Michelle, two friends inviting you to join us in reading through the Bible chronologically this year. Reading the Bible every day can be a challenge. We’re here to summarize each day’s passage and provide action steps … in under 15 minutes. Grab a buddy and join our community. Take the plunge, and let’s read through the Bible together. We’ll be cheering you on all the way!

Listen Here!