How to talk with kids about inappropriate content online

Audio By Carbonatix

How to talk with kids about inappropriate content online

Parents often feel pressure to get conversations about inappropriate content exactly right. But Marilyn Evans, founder of Parents Aware, says waiting for the “perfect moment” can do more harm than good. Her work focuses on helping families navigate how children encounter and process explicit content online—and how to talk about it before it happens.

Why? Studies show that 1 in 12 children can be exposed to inappropriate content online. Parents and caregivers can help children prepare for these encounters by discussing early what they consider inappropriate, using a collaborative approach with their kids, and applying parental control apps to their phones—and knowing how to handle the situation if (or when) they see something inappropriate online.

Building up to these discussions using research and expert guidance from a variety of experts, such as the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children can help correct language and terminology, show kids that home is a safe place to ask questions, and that nothing is too awkward or embarrassing to discuss, Verizon reports. That said, sometimes the conversations should happen before you’re really ready.

This guide can help start the conversation, beginning with what to do if your child is exposed to inappropriate content online. It also includes age-by-age guidance for talking about a topic many parents may find hard to address.

What you can do if your child is exposed to inappropriate content online

Ongoing conversations about what defines inappropriate content for your family can help kids develop the language they may need to be comfortable saying something if they get an explicit text message or request for an intimate photo. Even if the situation is unexpected, it can still be an important teaching moment.

• If your child came to you to talk, praise them for doing so.
• Remind them that this is an opportunity to talk openly about what makes content inappropriate.
• Take a deep breath, pause, and ask what questions they may have or what they need right now.
• Listen carefully.

Age-by-age guidance

Ages 3–5: In most cases, children this age should not be left alone with any device that’s connected to the internet or has a camera—even when watching something as simple as drawing videos or cartoons. Parents can also check the built-in parental controls on devices as a safeguard against questionable content.

Ages 6–8: This is when kids may start to spend more time away from home with friends, at school, or on playdates, and therefore, children this age can be exposed to inappropriate content online. It can also be intimidating to bring up the topic of media safety with other parents. But families often share similar concerns. This makes having these conversations easier.

Some kids can have food allergies. Some kids can have nightmares when they watch scary movies. And some parents can talk with other parents before a playdate or sleepover to make sure those needs are communicated. The media safety conversation can happen in that same space.

Try this: “We have a family rule that kids at this age are only allowed to be on the internet when an adult is present. Is that a policy at your house?”

Ages 9–12: Many kids get their first phone around this age. Each new device that comes into the house can be an opportunity to review the family’s media plan.

It can start with a few self-reflective questions: “How can my media use align with my hopes, dreams, and values?” Using the red, yellow, and green lights as metaphors to stop, pause, or go, consider the following:

Green light: Doing homework, talking with Grandma, or looking up videos about making something. Anything that reinforces those stated goals can fall into this category.

Yellow light: Does the time spent on a certain activity online take up most of the day? For example, when friends come over, can the device go down? Is it hard turning off the tech when asked?

Red light: Anything that doesn’t align with those hopes, dreams, and values, and the family’s tech boundaries. Shut it down right away. Tell a trusted adult for added safety.

Age 13–18: At this age, kids are becoming more autonomous online. If they want to find something—even if it’s inappropriate content—they may find it. So they may need to know there’s a safe place at home where they can ask important questions. Often, kids can be afraid that if they ask for help, they’ll get in trouble and lose their tech. Their fear of losing access to the phone can override their desire to talk about what’s going on.

It’s not uncommon for children to confide in friends, but not a parent, when they’ve felt pressured to text intimate photos to someone at school.

That’s why we need to put these difficult conversations on the table. Kids are faced with difficult scenarios. It’s not fair to have them navigate these things on their own—to solve big adult problems without having someone they can talk to.

To make space for these conversations, consider the following:

Make ongoing connection a priority. Once a week or once a month, let them choose an activity, or a place to eat for lunch, or spend time talking together about something that interests them. The idea is to build a space for ongoing connection so it’s easier to talk about the tougher things.

Consider alternatives to taking the phone away as punishment. When boundaries get crossed, ask teens to help develop the consequences instead of simply taking the phone away. Another approach is to ask, “Would it be helpful to you if we set stronger tech boundaries together?”

Take the pressure off. Shoulder-to-shoulder conversations are best. Teenagers may open up more when the conversation feels more casual. Consider natural ways to avoid eye contact, such as riding in a car or making dinner together.

How to report inappropriate content online

If you or your child discovers inappropriate content of any kind on a social media platform or other space where it is prohibited, report it. The mechanics of reporting inappropriate content vary, but virtually all major platforms encourage users to report material that violates the platform’s guidelines.

Experts say never forward any sexual content that involves minors, even in an attempt to report it. Doing so is against federal law, and it perpetuates the abuse of victims.

You may think, “Kids don’t want their parents to talk to them about sensitive topics.” That’s simply not true. That sentiment implies parents don’t know how to approach these conversations with children. But that’s fixable.

These conversations have the potential to strengthen parent-child relationships. And the earlier they take place, the better.

This story was produced by Verizon and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.